Water Tables, Slip-N-Slides and Kayacks

I hate to mention the word......quiet......the bugs are still sleeping. They are in the basement in a double bed. Our A/C broke yesterday so they get a change of pace. You would think they were moving down there for a couple weeks! They got their jammies and their clothes for today and packed them in their play freezer that is now doubling as a dresser. At least their clothes will be cool when they get dressed. It is HOT in this house.

This weekend proved to be a mixed bag for us. We really had some wonderful family time and got a couple things that needed to be done checked off the list.

We explaining Memorial Day to the bigger bugs while Lain was bouncing around nearby. You should have seen their faces to realize that people fight for our freedom (what's freedom Mommy?) and die so we can have it. There was some awe, humility, and sadness mixed in. I can't blame them. I am so very honored to live in a country where some are called to fight for us and lay down their lives for the things we enjoy.

The bugs and I hit the road to go pick up dinner on Sat. night. (We were going to debut the new grill as ours rusted over the winter, but Daddy didn't get it together until after dinner time. You know they tell you one hour assembly and it turns in to 5???) Elaina was telling me that she drew Ava and she is so cute. I told her she was so cute. Then she turned to Alexa and said, " I just wish Ava could come back to us." Alexa chimed in, "I do too." Emmy then said, "I wish she could too." I certainly agreed. It's moments like those that I find touching. Unifying.

We took the Bugs kayaking for the first time this weekend. Now they are hooked. There is something so peaceful about being out on the water and looking around at what God created. There is something very adorable about my little ones in life jackets and wind in their faces.

At home we played with our water table, slip-n-slide knock off for $6.99 (gotta love a sale and a gift card!). We found ant hills, baby bunnies and discovered that the bluebirds have babies in their nest! Our beans, zucchini, cucumbers, peas, lettuce, potatoes, onions, cantaloupe, watermelon are up in the garden. One of our tomato plants has a tiny tomato. (Elaina what color tomatoes do we ONLY pick? "RED!!!!!!!!!!!" ") The bugs smell like sunscreen.

We had a cook out with my parents and brother that ended with a fire pit fire, marshmallows and Grandma's Peach Pie. As we were saying goodbye to everyone, I realized that I was happy. I had a good day, all day. I felt free of the ever-present grief. It was so so nice.

Yesterday we flew the flag, proudly. We picked up the toy room in the basement, at the instruction of my brother in law, I tired to assess the A/C/Furnace. Did laundry, made bracelets and rings and was surly. The bugs and Allan spent most of the day outside. I hid.

We finally got around to taking the crib down, while the bugs were chillin' in the cool basement. Before we brought it down to store, we joined them and told them what we did. Alexa (who was standing on the toy bench in a hat, sunglasses, a dress and a feather boa-she was a rock star of course-was holding court to the more tamely dressed, pretty princesses) stopped and got sad. Emmy stopped and got sad. Then they each said, "Well, I just wish that Ava could still be sleeping in that crib." We snuggled. They decided to help Daddy carry it and put it away. We Benton's are a team.

I found an ugly truth. I am not able to deal with heaps of stress. I retreat or get angry. kids in each other's business + a broken A/C and I am at my limit. I begin to worry about money, scheduling, etc. Then bam! I am so angry about how Ava was treated at the hospital by some of the physicians that it affects my interactions with my children. I am quick to anger and my temper is short. It's like if they tap into what would usually bother me, annoy me, it opens up a big loud voice. I am ashamed and frustrated with it. I don't want to be this way. I hate that I am and that they have a Mommy that is like that.

Last night our Bible story was about Moses loosing his temper and not obeying God. Allan asked the bugs if they ever lost their temper. "No". I said, "Do you know what temper is?" a chorus of, "No!" Daddy explained. Alexa said impishly, "yes". I then told the bugs that I lost my temper and I apologized to them.

It's so hard. You talk in a loud voice to be heard, and it taps into emotion that is just right there. Sometimes I don't even know how right there it is. I ask God to help me. What I need to do is forgive those who harmed my child. It's a tough one.

I just asked Dumbo to let Em, Lex and Lain know the A/C guy is coming in a half an hour so can they get dressed. I was just delivered cake and pizza too. I guess my day is off and running!