Four Little Ladybugs

The intellectual side of me knows that when kids start to misbehave then it's usually a symptom of something else going on. Either they don't feel well, or something is array in their minds/bodies. Or it's because they are not getting their needs met by their parents.

The problem is that once the cycle starts we start putting out fires and get sucked into reactive parenting, not proactive parenting. Guess where we wind up most of the time?

The other day I dropped what I was doing and decided to play with them. Then I had to extricate myself and make dinner for our sitter to put in the oven while I was at work. The bugs asked if I could come back an play. I told them that I'd love to, but I needed to get dinner made and ready for work. There may not be enough time.

As I was scurrying around the kitchen I overheard the bus saying, "Mommy hasn't played like that with us for long." Alexa then said, " That's because of Ava." They weren't manipulative or angry. Just talking.

I won't lie. It pierced me. I know it has not yet been 6 months since Ava died. But they don't understand why their Mommy is emotionally unavailable sometimes.

Here is the cycle: I have a good day. I need to get things around the house done. I get tired and the good day is gone. I hit a bad couple days and I walk around in circles overwhelmed by what needs to be done around the house or any progress I made is undone. I hit a good day.....

What I need to do is make sure that when I hit a good day, I play with the bugs. I enjoy them. I make them realize that no matter how much it stinks that their brother and sister are not with us we are here and we are important. I need to make them feel special. I love to feel special. They do too.

So I am trying to break the reactive parenting cycle that is so easy to fall in to, even when life is hunky dory. My bugs have always done better when I am on top of it. With God's grace I will be able to have moments, days and eventually be able to sustain being on "top of it".