Day to Day

We are chugging along in our neck of the woods. Days are filled with birthday parties, playing, bike riding, garden planting, laundry, cooking, coloring, and work.

Some days some of us feel just fine. Some days it's a struggle to do those things, but we muddle through.

Yesterday I was feeling just fine, most of the day. I got to work and out of nowhere, I felt enormously sad. Seriously, I usually know my triggers. This one I have yet to identify. I know that this goes right along with grief, but I don't have to like it. I was speaking with a coworker and I told her that sometimes there are "stealth triggers". It just sneaks up on you and you don't know why or how.

I'm finding that the best way for me to handle the grief waves is to stay up after everybody in the house is asleep and take time to deal with it. It doesn't do too well for my sleep schedule, especially now that I am back on call at night, but I can't sit on this. Otherwise I will become a ticking time bomb. I don't like that at all.

I am beginning to notice how much the bugs have grown up lately. Right under my preoccupied nose. They do so much more around the house. They each have really big thoughts and they adore each other. I love that.

What comes with really big thoughts are really big questions. Really big cat fights and really big feelings of being wronged. This keeps me on my toes. Some days I'm equipped to deal with it other days not so much. Isn't that true for any Mom really?

One big change around here is that Elaina has decided that she misses out when she naps, so she would prefer to "rest" (in the loosest possible term the definition allows) with the big bugs. The rule is that if you fight, scream or clearly need a nap you must be in your own room. Mommy tells you when rest time is over. You cannot come down until the toys are put away.

Elaina takes offense to all these rules. She doesn't know where the toys go, she doesn't know how to put them away, she's tired. She's all done "sleeping". After a knock down drag out with Alexa on Sunday that culminated in Alexa yelling, "Lain I will SHOW you what bin to put the toys in!" and Elaina screaming over her, " NO YOU WON'T BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BE DOWNSTAIRS WITH MOMMY AND DADDY!", I decided to be proactive.

Tuesday's rest time arrives, i give the speech, the run down of expectations. Little Miss pipes up and tells me, "OK Mommy I won't tell sisters that I don't know how to put the toys away." AHHHH she is always so very many steps ahead of us!

I don't know how today will play out, but I just continually ask God for His grace and for wisdom so I can press on.