Practice makes Perfect

It seems that Elaina is fully capable of using the potty, to get what she wants. "Hey Lain," I say, "How 'bout you sit on the potty and then you can color your Pirate."

"Mommy, Mommy, M-O-M-M-Y!" (I'm looking at her the whole time, mostly because I think it's funny that toddlers don't understand that when someone looks at you and raises eyebrows it's an acknowledgement.)

"Yes Lain?"

"Howbout I go sit on the potty and then I can color my pirate. Howbout that?"

"OK! Go do it!"

"Mommy, I get off now?"

"Did you put your peepees in?"

"Mommmmeeeee, I was just doing it so I can color my pirate."
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"Lain, remember, you have a Pull Up on. You are little and you have to ride in the cart."

"Do they have a potty here?"

Tomorrow is another day of potty fun, I suspect.

On a more serious side, tonight's family devotional was about talking to your friends about Jesus. The lead in question was "what do you talk to your friends about?" Emily giggled in her sweet Emmy way and said "Stuff". (REALLY??? I thought you were 5 not 16!!!!)

"What kind of stuff?"

"I don't know. I talk to my sister all the time."

Pan over to Alexa. She looks vacant yet a little prepared...hmmmm.....

Emmy finally whispers that Alexa asks her all the time why Ava is in Heaven. Em says she doesn't answer because she doesn't know. We "reviewed" all visited topics: Ava was sick, her body didn't work, God made her, God loves her, she didn't have enough mitochondria....Then I realized Alexa wants to know WHY. Why did it happen to Ava. Why did this happen to Alexa.

I told her that Mommy and Daddy don't understand that Why either. We just have to trust in God's Plan. As I write this I realize we will need to talk about it more.

Off Alexa and Elaina flitted to brush teeth. Emily curled up in my lap. I asked her if she was afraid to talk about Ava. She indicated yes. I asked her if it hurt. She said yes. I told her that no matter how much it hurts or is sad she can talk to us about her. That she can't keep it in or it will be so much harder later.

She then asked me if she could talk about it even in the night? I she absolutely. "But I don't want to wake up my sister." She then told me that sometimes she wakes up thinking about Ava. I asked her what she thinks about and her reply: "The night Ava died."

Finally she told me she thinks about us coming home and telling her. My heart broke. My poor little girl is waking up remembering and picturing horrible things. This is a marker she will always remember. It might be hazy as she gets older, but it's going to be there. She wanted to know why we told her that Ava died. She wishes that we didn't. She's not angry, she just wanted to know why we did.

I told her that we couldn't let her think that her sister was alive in the hospital when she was really dead. I told her that sometimes it's better to know the hard stuff than to pretend. I told her that it would be a lie if we didn't tell her and that we don't lie to them.

I also told her that no matter what time, if she needs to talk to Mommy or Daddy she can. That we are always here to help her sort it out.

I am so thankful that God has given us children who really think things through and although it's harder for some than others, they will tell us what those thoughts are. It's tough questions and thoughts. Especially now we seem to be moving into the abstract.

Sometimes I approach my parenting in a "laying the foundation" sort of way. If we establish this now then they know they can approach us when the rubber meets the road. I just didn't realize that at 5,5 and nearly 3 the rubber is meeting the road and boy does it stink.