Boo but Yeah

I am frustrated. I so much want to "get back to normal" and I so much know I am far away from it. While I should be joyful in all I've been able to accomplish, I find myself annoyed that the laundry piles up higher than Mt Vesuvius and there is no creativity for dinner. It's a layer of grief that I did not experience after Eric died. Yesterday I found myself drowning in a sea of grown up laundry crying tears of frustration that I "can't get to it". Is it that I can't or just that I don't?

Emmy and I had a big talk the other day. She is frustrated that her sisters are so sad and that our house doesn't feel "normal". I told her that I am frustrated about that too. We both decided to agree that it's annoying. Necessary. None the less, annoying.

This weekend we were blessed by visits from my second cousin on my Dad's side and by a long-lost friend from my Junior High/High School days. I love how God took an ordinary weekend of toy sorting and cleaning and turned it into something extraordinary.

Elaina is potty training on her terms and I don't have the oomph to fight her on it. So I'm not. I don't know or care if that is the so called "right" way to do it. It's how we are doing it. I know that she is fully capable of using the potty and controlling in her output. She just does it when she wants to. Today her motivation was a potty treat, Super Why and a taste of my coffee. (I figured she would hate it since it's cream, no sugar. Nope. Guess who loves it and wants her own cup??)

As much as I know that this is all "normal" I just want "me" back. We find Joy and Hope, but right now we are mingling it with the sorrow and despair. Boo to that. Boo the fact that 2 of my babies had to die.

On the flip side: Yeah to my sweet family that is still here with us. Yeah to our little ladybugs who are growing up so fast (Emmy and Lexa each have a loose tooth and it's the same one!) Yeah to all the little things that God does for us each day. And Yeah for the chance for knowing those two babies that had to die. His love is never failing, that is why I can write this, even if I am sad and annoyed by our circumstances.