Today the eldest bugs and I went on a quick errand. On the way home they were full of questions about heaven, and why Ava had to die. It makes me so very sad that this is the life that they have. But I am so very proud of how they are handling it.
Alexa is visibly having the most difficult time. Emily is twinkle eyed when she thinks about Heaven and Ava being with God and Eric. She is still sad, but thinking about those things really seems to help her. Alexa's arms ache to hold her baby. It is so heartbreaking. I know exactly how she feels. Every fiber of my being makes me want to take that pain away from her. But I can't even take it away for myself. This is something she has to work out in her own time, at 5. My 5Th year was way less complicated, I'll tell you that.
Alexa wanted to know why Ava died. I told her that her body didn't work anymore so she couldn't stay on earth with us. No, she wanted to know WHY. I told her that her body didn't make energy anymore and God decided that Ava should be with Him so that she would not be in pain or suffer in a body that did not work.
I reminded them that there is no sadness in Heaven. There is no sickness and there is lots of energy. Ava is free now. She is with Jesus. Then they wanted to know if you could talk in Heaven. I told them that based on a scripture in Revelation, yes I think that you can talk in Heaven. Can we go places? I didn't know. Are there toys? If God thinks that you need toys then He will have them for you.
They concurred that Ava is praying for us while she is in Heaven so that we won't be so sad. I told them that I thought that she would want us to be happy too. They told me that she wanted to be with us.
She most certainly did. I have never seen such a fighting spirit. I told them that Ava tried her very best so that she could stay with us. I sincerely think that she did. Emily said that Eric tried hard too. I told her that although Eric did try, Ava truly tried harder. I mentioned that it's because Eric hadn't met them yet. Ava did and she really wanted to be with her sisters. That is why she tried so hard.
Elaina told me during her bedtime stalling (oops I mean "story") ritual that she wants Ava to be in the hospital so she can be doctored. I told her that she is in Heaven and she doesn't need to be doctored any more. She was good with that for tonight.
I think one of the hardest things to deal with right now is to watch their sadness and how they are forced to process such tough information at such a young age. It's not lost on me how this is molding their little minds. Their courses are being chartered. No pressure there for the absent minded grieving and impatient parents.
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Amy,
ReplyDeleteAre you familiar with Supporting Kidds on Old Lancaster Pike in Hockessin? They help children and their families deal with grief. Here is their website:
http://www.supportingkidds.org/
Jackie Blatchford
Amy and Allan,
ReplyDeleteAndrew has had a lot of questions about why Ava died and about Heaven as well. The toughest one he asked (emotionally) was 'who will Ava's mommy and daddy be in Heaven'. We explained that Amy and Allan would always be her mommy and daddy but in Heaven Jesus was Ava and Eric's mommy and daddy. He was a little confused about the mommy part ;-)
I'm thankful that we are able to have these moments and conversations with Andrew at such a young age, though I wish it wasn't because of Ava and Eric. Just know that their lives are molding other little lives for Jesus!
Love, Karrie
Are you familiar with GriefShare? You can sign up for daily emails and will receive one each day. They don't overwhelm you but are just enough to be an encouragement. There are also GriefShare support groups and if you go to their website, you will be able to find one in your area that will fit into your schedule. It's a great help to those who have suffered loss--really was my lifeline.
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