And We're Off!

We are on our way to Disney. On Sunday night there was a benefit concert "Music for Memories" at our church to help defray the cost. The artists were The Junebugs, Adam Randolf, and Caitlin Jane. (Allan's good at all the links and stuff, so he'll do that later). I have to tell you how honored and blessed we all felt during that concert.

Honestly, the thing I was most excited by was to see the potential of our Foundation unfold before our very eyes. I kept thinking how I can't wait to be able to bless another family as we have been blessed. How the Joy-Hope Foundation will hopefully give other families whose children have died a chance to get away and begin to build new memories amidst the sadness.

It gets you out of the stressful day to day struggles and gives you something to focus on. Something positive. I know that that pain won't be gone. There will always be a mark, a twinge. But the agony dissipates. A vacation in the throes of the agony gives you a breather to move on when the weight of the day presses down. I can see our little ladybugs starting to crumble. I can feel that I am too. Allan is the rock right now. We need that. It will fluctuate. For now it's him.

To see the gleam in their eyes and hear the excitement in their voices is enough to recharge and move on to the next phase.

Tomorrow, Ava would have been 5 months old. I guess since she can't be with us a good way to celebrate her is to begin to rebuild our memories, to take a step out in life as the Benton's after Ava. It's a process of redefining and assimilation. We are called to it. We can do it, even when I just don't think it's possible.

For my own need to stay on task I am going to list what I want to work on when we come home. I'm in the phase of grief where I think it and then can't remember what I thought. A day seems like a week and I can't remember yesterday. Right now our lists have lists. Here's a new one: finish thankyous, work on Foundation some more, get Esty site for bracelets up and running, Allan go back to work, Amy go back as well. Go to the dentist, make well-child appointments for some bugs, clean out Ava's room, unpack, do laundry, learn how to "run" the house again, and try to train this old, out of shape and weary body how to run Ava and Eric's 5K. OK it's out there. I must be accountable!

For now, off to Disney to meet some Princesses, see some tigers and giraffes and Tinkerbell!