Through this time of waiting to find out about Ava's health I find joy in the small things. This weekend we have been able to enjoy family time, celebrate my brother's birthday, worship and watch baseball. All of it is seemingly routine, but a breath of fresh air amid all the worry and concern.
It is just so difficult to not focus on what may be. I try not to analyze every little thing that Ava does or does not do. This is a huge struggle. I realized after Eric died that all the hopes and dreams we had for him were what we wanted for our son. But Eric's life story, although short, was all that God intended for him. I find that if I pick Ava apart and expect that she has the same mitochondrial disease that plagued our boy then I miss out on who she is today. No matter how long we are blessed with the opportunity to raise our children it is our job to enjoy who they are NOW. To watch them unfold into the people they were created to be.
Ava is unfolding, her personality is emerging. I don't want to miss it because I am expecting the worst. So I make a conscientious effort to love her in this moment for all she is. And I find myself hopefully hypothesizing who she will be, and what she will be like when she is older. I know full well that God has His plan for each and everyone of our children. But sometimes it's fun to think ahead.
About Me
- Amy Benton
- In June 2001 I married my best friend, Allan. We have had five children, three of whom are living. Emily and Alexa are twins who turned 5 in Nov. Elaina will be 3 in March. Our baby Ava was born August 13, 2009 and died on Dec. 18, 2009. Our son, Eric, also died when he was 4 months old. He would have been 6 in Aug '09. They both had the same very rare Mitochondrial disease. A Fund has been established to assist with Ava's medical bills. If you feel lead to help us in that way Checks may be made out to "Ava Benton Medical Fund" and sent to: Linda S. Dilorio Wilmington Trust Company 151 Lantana Drive Hockessin, DE 19707.
Amy, I had not been back to your site since I found you the other night, however, today at Bible Study, I felt led to share some of your story with the girls (nothing leaves our group) and we spent some time in prayer for you and baby Ava. I just have to say what an awesome all knowing God we have. I specifically asked Him to bless every moment with Ava and to make those moments both happy and real and the focus of your mind. Of course I also prayed for peace for each of you. And then I read this. Thank you Jesus for loving us right where we live.
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