It's amazing to me how my emotions are so closely tied with what Ava is up to each day. Yesterday she slept all night long followed by all morning and into the afternoon. By 1:30 I had had it. I was sure she was slipping away from us. I tried to rationalize that she was up ALL day the day before and she was just tired. Then I kept thinking that she should be more hungry than she was. And then and then and then....
But girlfriend DID wake up. Then she was more interactive and had more head control then I've seen. Then she ate, and ate and ate. She catnapped and ate and cooed and tried to watch TV until she went to bed at 11:00. I was so enthralled with her that the Yankee game was taking a back seat. (Which they won, by the way so all in all a good night).
We don't know what, if anything, is wrong with Ava other than her hearing. But all the doctors are treating her as if there is a problem. I understand that this is safer for her so we can be proactive. But it's enough to drive you crazy. We have to think that she has a problem to stay on top of it. She's a baby and who knows if she's being a baby or if she is starting to be symptomatic. We don't want to under react, but we don't want to over react either. The thing is, once the DNA testing starts to come back we STILL may not know what the deal is. It is so easy to get lost in my head about all this. Then I remember that God will guide us, and is guiding us and I have to remember to trust that He tell us when and if we need to take her in to the ER. It is so hard, but I know in my soul that that is true. I need to constantly remind myself to get out of my head. He is in control here.
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Thanks so much for posting here what is going on daily. We are praying for you here daily and so thankful for your continual desire to turn your attention to God and to trust in Him moment by moment. We do pray that Ava is "only" deaf, but we also pray that each day you will grow and deepen in your faith. In the process all of your children (and many more around you) will be blessed. You are loved and lifted up before our Father in heaven.
ReplyDeleteSharon
Work it right out through your fingers girl. Blogs are awesome for such. Type it here and then just leave it at the foot of the cross, in Jesus capable hands.
ReplyDeleteDon't be decieved by the crazy thoughts and emotions, they are all so perfectly normal. Don't be shy about ranting and raving and asking why for the millionth time. And don't ever apoligize for all the tears you shed in the quiet moments. God designed us for ALL of this. He knows, He awaits our outburst of saddness and anger as much as our outburst of joy and happiness and contentment. He delights whenever we reach for Him and know just one thing. He Knows. His plans are for our ultimate good. He loves Ava and Amy and all of you guys so very much more then anyone can ever understand. Rest there when you can. Before it starts all over.
Unsolicited advice from one who has never walked in your shoes for sure. BUT hey, He has taught me a thing or two when I most just wanted "out" and for "it" to be over. Sometimes all I could do was get through it but when His answer continued to be "not yet" and "wait" those were the times Jesus walked right next to me each step of the way. Rest in Him in the very midst of it and He will give you Hope for the next thing.
(((((hugs)))) from a Mom who has waited and still waits for answers.