Progress

Today I got a call from our genetic counselor. We now have access to Eric's DNA and it is being shipped to Baylor University for testing. The goal is to identify the specific gene that is mutated in Eric's DNA and compare it to Ava's. This is the only way we are to be certain that Ava does or does not have the same illness that Eric had. Insurance authorization did not come for this. We are going on faith that we can pay for such testing in order to spare Ava more invasive and or risky testing. We are praying that our answers will come and we will finally know what happened to our son as well as what is causing Ava's hearing loss.

This is such an emotional journey. To know that we will have labs coming in soon and genetic testing results to follow is a little overwhelming. We are asking for prayer that we are able to handle the reality that we will be facing- for Eric's past and Ava's future.

It's difficult to catalogue how the emotions range. The hackneyed phrase is that this is like a roller coaster. Today I am trying hard to stay optimistic, but doubt is creeping in. I dearly wish I could always go with my gut, but I am so fearful that my gut is wrong. We have been crushed before. Sometimes I can't even imagine that Ava's outcome would be what our hearts are longing for. Then there are times where I feel like how can it possibly be the same as Eric. For sure it is what it is and it's ordained by God.

It is in these moments that I find it the most delicate balance. My mind is light years away and my children have very concrete needs. I sometimes wonder how I can meet them. I look back on the days since Ava's birth. It's been a long and dark road. But through Him we get up everyday, get dressed and try to put one foot in front of the other. We pray that our precious daughters will be protected from those times when we are just emotionally unavailable and they will thrive in spite of us.

We are taking this one step at a time, knowing that God is the lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path.