New Normals

For days now I've been sitting down to blog and nothing. Either I have to go do the next thing, I'm way too tired to think straight, or there are no words ready to come to the page.

Our days are very full and busy. SO much so I was informed that we are now out of coffee and are on our emergency reserves (you know the kind that you collect from various gifts and functions that would not serve well on a daily basis).

Today I sit to blog, drinking coffee for the pure necessity of the caffeine not the enjoyment and satisfaction of the cup.

Last week we started to Home school the bigger bugs and let the little one think she's being home schooled as well. It's an adjustment for all of us, but I am surprised to see that Elaina is having the biggest adjustment with it right now. I am not shocked, just surprised that it's her to the biggest extent.

I am pleasantly surprised. Like most things for our family right now Allan and I are on automatic pilot. We are exploring new ideas because we don't have the energy to argue with God as to why we can't do what He asks us to do. I've been interested to see how Homeschooling would play out not without some trepidation. To sit and see them learn. To see that clouded over face of confusion turn to a twinkle, squeal and a smile is very rewarding. I love that I get to be the one who has that front row seat.

One thing that I did not get a full handle on was that this time I have with my girls is found time. On Face Book I see that all these other Mom's are saying goodbye to their kids for the day with a healthy mixture of happiness and a twinge of sad. For some it's getting back into routine, others it's the beginning of a new normal. I realized that I am not ready to miss any more of my kids right now. I know with school you will get them back at the end of the day, but the empty house on Thursdays when they are at our Home school group all day, is a bit much for me. I had no idea.

I know this is a powerful feeling and I am keeping it in check. I am not Homeschooling because I do not want to let my children go. I f Homeschooling becomes out of that need, it will be time to enroll. This year is gonna be tough on the girls, they need to be able to learn all they can in an environment that is conducive to dealing with all that is on their plates. Plus, they really love it.

They also seem to have a busy schedule. They take a combined gymnastics and ballet class and in a couple weeks they start piano lessons. Thinking is changing, imaginations are booming and the friendship in their sisterhood is what I've always prayed that my children could have. These are times that I am finding that I do and will treasure.

We are also all a buzz trying to secure sponsorship for the Have Joy. Spread Hope. Inaugural 5K in Oct. We are all excited to see how this event comes together and debut our vision for all to see. Humbly, we can not wait to bless others the way the community blessed us. It is such an amazing honor.

I've been training to run this 5K. This is a big deal or me. I never thought I could do it, and now I am half way. However, while Apple picking the other day I pulled something in my knee. For now I'm on the DL. Not very patiently I might add. I began to train for my babies who couldn't even breath on their own. They didn't produce enough energy to sustain life. I want to train my body to run and use energy for them. Next thing you know, I think I like it. I look forward to getting out there and pushing myself in a productive way. I am praying that my knee will feel better so I can get back out there and I can run this 5K. Besides, I want to buy new workout clothes!

With the other short term commitments and the birthdays of Eric and Ava, my mind has been swirling. We've cleaned out our baby and little girl stuff. A difficult task in it's own right for any sentimental mom. Now there are Fall like smells and the memories flood back of their short little lives. The other day, for the first time in 5 years, I saw a baby that looked like Eric. It was totally unexpected. Then it felt good that I could cry about JUST him for a minute. I don't know if that makes any sense.

These last couple days I've been feeling unsettled in my soul. I'm not angry or dealing with that hormone surge like feeling. I usually know why. Right now I don't. So I steal a couple minutes and then off we go. Trying to balance living is tricky, but God is in control so I actually don't feel out of control. That is a nice feeling.