Cleanliness May Actually be Next to Godliness

I knew it has been a long time since I posted, but had no idea how long it actually has been. Part of the reason for my silence is because we suddenly got busy in a good way. In the recent weeks I feel a bit of a reprieve from the looming cloud of grief. I see that the bugs are feeling that as well. We are transitioning, and that is a good thing.

Since my last post I have a couple bugs that are jumping into, head bobbing and taking some strokes in the pool without a life vest. I have a still very excited bug about being oh-fishally- big. I have a bug that can put ponytails in her dolls hair. I have a bug that learned to use the toaster. I have a bug that loves to get dressed by herself and a Mommy who lets her be ,mismatched and backwards as long as we aren't going out in public.

We've picked blueberries and strawberries, we are on a second planting of beans. We color and paint. We have a new front door and storm door. We bounced and slide at Pump it Up. We toured Herr's Chip Factory. We've celebrated the birth of our country. We ride bikes, splash in puddles. We got caught in a downpour.

I am now beginning to plan ahead, and it's not too overwhelming for me. The past is still muddy and long. My concept of time is still off, but I can see past the next minute.

The Joy-Hope Foundation is becoming more defined and solidified. We had a great time hosting Mom's Marketplace. Allan and I have been working a lot lately. We've gone out on a date and even watched a movie one night. I baked cookies, and made play dough.

Along with this the house is getting more organized, the bugs are becoming more polite and helpful. We are working on correcting bad habits that formed as a result of Mommy and Daddy having a lack of energy to follow through. We are talking more, cuddling more and trying to listen to the bugs' needs. You know we are becoming more "checked in" parents instead of "checked out".

I organized my pantry. It took a long time. I had to purge a lot of things in it. Staples I stocked up on at a good price so I could be creative with my Christmas baking, meals for the winter. A simple task became a project of purging. I slowly go through Ava's things, and have to step back. It's too overwhelming sometimes. When I enter that room, I know that there will be pain in purging. When you go to clean out your pantry, you aren't really expecting pain in purging. Really I love to throw things out and sort them. This time, I was faced with another reminder that our life stopped for a year. Crackers that were stale, chips that were old. Into the trash.

The thing is is that after the purging of the bad stuff comes the reorganized, restocked and fresh pantry. A pantry that is ready to accept a new challenge and not get bogged down by the build up. I look in it and see it as a metaphor for where I am right now. That is why I do all that we have been doing these last few weeks.

It's amazing to me. We were getting ready to spend the day at the beach on Thurs. I was remembering the sense of urgency I felt when we went down last year. I was in my third trimester with Ava. I felt like 'I'm not going to let this baby hold me back. I can do what I want because I, of course, am super mom!' I felt a sense of urgency to capture fun moment with the bugs before the baby was born and we were on hold for awhile. We thought about what it would be like the next summer with 4 kiddos on the beach. I was bound and determined that I would manage it and we would have fun.

Well, I did manage. We did have fun, but I didn't feel the sense of urgency to have a great time before my life was turned upside down. Instead I watched my bugs play on the beach and experience the world God created. I soaked up the beauty of the day. Then we came home and I opened up my pantry. I realized that we just need to be ready to accept what comes next and not be overwhelmed by the waves, in the ocean or of surplus expired crackers or from whatever shall come next.